I have experienced pain in my life. From the chronic pain of arthritis, repetitive use strains, and the acute pain of serious injury. I have suffered physical pain and emotional pain. Pain that screams and pain that nags.
I also work with a number of clients who are experiencing pain. It’s what brings them to me. When they just can’t bear it anymore and they are desperate to find relief.
No one is immune. It’s a part of life. You will suffer pain from injury and illness. You will suffer heart breaks and stress and anxiety or depression. It is very normal.
Through my personal experiences with pain, my professional experiences helping others with their pain, and my studies of the science behind pain and how to help people … Here’s what I’ve learned:
- Pain is inevitable, suffering is optional
This is commonly heard in yoga philosophy and honestly I had no clue what anyone was talking about for the longest time! After years of going through my own experiences of pain and witnessing others dealing with pain , I know see what it means! The truth is we choose to suffer much more than we need to. Now if you are in a great deal of pain right now you may get very frustrated by this – yeah, right lady- I’m choosing this?!! No way! But hear me out. The problem is – we are creatures of habit and we are also prone to fear. We can get stuck in behaviours and ways of being that perpetuate suffering. Think of the relationship you just can’t walk away from? Or how you eat junk food at night knowing that it is hurting your body. Pain will happen either as a result of something hurting you in a moment or from years of repetitive actions that have degraded your body or spirit to the point you are in pain. You cannot avoid experiencing pain in your life but it’s what you do in response to the pain that can either ease or perpetuate your suffering. There is a choice. If you are experiencing pain and can’t understand how you can possibly choose to stop suffering – it can’t be that easy?!! Then contact me and we will chat about your particular situation. I promise you there are ways to ease your suffering – even in pain that comes from acute injury or illness. It is scientifically proven that we CAN manage pain with practices that help us to soothe and calm the pain alarms. - Pain is yours to bear alone
People may not want to hear about your pain. If you have suffered from extended periods of being in pain, you know what I’m talking about. People will try to offer solutions and advice or refer you to someone who can help you but they really don’t want to hear about it. That’s the truth. Being in pain can be extremely lonely and isolating when really you need comfort and care more than ever. Many people came to see me at my job as a counsellor because they needed someone they could talk to about their pain. A compassionate witness who honours that they are suffering and in pain and does not try to minimize it. Pain is a lot like mental illness in this regard. People can’t necessarily see it and so they don’t take it seriously as a major health issue that affects your everyday functioning. Learning to comfort yourself and having tools to help you care for yourself, accept the reality of your situation and manage the pain are key.
- Pain is a liar
Pain is an alarm bell telling you that something is dangerous, wrong or harmful. If you touch a hot pot, pain is the signal that tells you to stop doing that! It is protecting you from injury and damage. We learn from a very early age to recognize pain as a cue to stop doing something and to retreat. We fear pain and we trust it at the same time. This does not make for a good relationship. Often people that I am working with are listening to the cries of pain from their body as a cue to stop and retreat when in reality they need to do the opposite. The message here? Question your pain. Do not trust it implicitly. In arthritis for example- our body is telling us we are in pain as we move so our natural response is to restrict movement in that area. This is not what we need and want to do however! We need to move despite the discomfort because the movement is healing and will help to bring fresh cells and blood and oxygen to the area. If you don’t use it, you lose it. We want to maintain and perhaps increase our range of motion, we want to maintain strength and flexibility, we want to promote healing. This does not come from stagnation and lack of movement. More on this in #6. Another example to illustrate that pain can be a liar – think of a broken bone. I broke my foot a year and half ago. The bone is healed. In 6 weeks to 6 months a broken bone will be completely healed unless there has been re-injury or disease. So my bone is completely healed and was healed after 4 weeks as confirmed by X-ray (I will tell you how I did that in an upcoming post!)… Yet I still feel pain. Sometimes when I first get up or walk, when I try to run or balance on it in a yoga class – little alarm bells of pain ring. This is where my pain is lying to me. There is nothing wrong with my foot. I am not at risk of re-injury or harm, yet my foot is crying out to me “be careful!!!” Why? Because my nervous system has a memory of the injury and is afraid. It tells me to be careful because it doesn’t want me to break it again but not because I am truly at more risk. This is when I use this knowledge and run or practice anyway. And guess what? My foot is fine. It is regaining balance and strength and is not vulnerable as I do normal, safe movements. One more example: A break-up. Your body, mind and heart freak out when you go through heart break! The pain you feel is excruciating and your every desire is to stop the pain by saving the relationship and retreating into the safety of that partnership. This pain you are feeling is a liar. You are not going to die – even though your whole being is afraid you will – we are wired that way… We need attachment as babies for our very survival and this is carried into adulthood. So when you break up, on some level you are afraid you will die because no one is going to take care of you. The reality is we are not helpless babies and while yes we need love and connection for optimal health and wellness, I promise you you will not die right now. You are afraid and so the pain you are feeling is actually fear. Recognize this and choose – choose to dwell in fear and suffering and self pity or recognize that your system is lying to you and that you will be ok. Better than ok. Rather than retreating to safety you will step forward into growth and development. - Where you are experiencing pain may not indicate the true source
This is referred pain. Feeling pain in your neck, shoulders and arm could actually be indicative of a heart problem. Pain that is in the low back could be the result of weak abdominals or tight hips. Physical pain can be felt in the body that is the result not of physical injury but of emotional or biochemical issues. When working with a client in pain I look not only at the local source of pain but at the whole body and system. People are often skeptical and surprised to find that I am looking at their feet when they some to me with hip and back pain. Or that I am suggesting an emotional/psychological issue (such as grief, anxiety or depression) as the root of their physical pain. - Pain is a cry for attention and connection
I have written in precious blog posts about the importance of listening to our bodies – of tuning in -of listening to the whispers so you don’t have to hear the screams. When you’re feeling pain, it’s literally a message being sent to you. It is your body’s way of demanding your attention. It can begin as subtle murmurs that if not tended to will become a full blown temper tantrum. The next time you are feeling pain, try this: rather than trying to distract yourself or ignore the pain, can you focus in on it? Can you bring your complete attention to the pain? Can you feel it, describe it, quantify its’ intensity and record your experience of this pain? (Either as a mental note or actually writing it down in a journal). Pain is trying to tell you something and often that message is that it wants you to change something. We as humans are very resistant to change. We are uncomfortable with it and we fear it. Homeostasis is our preferred comfort zone. Keep things as they are… Safety in the known vs the risk of the unknown. Pain is asking us to stop doing something, to change what we are doing or to fix something in our lives. People rarely are motivated to be truly proactive to prevent pain in their lives but they are certainly highly motivated to relieve pain when it arrives! Often people want a quick fix – a pill. A treatment. Something to allow them to continue on as they have been and return to life as normal. However when the root cause of the pain is not addressed, the pain returns. It will not be ignored and it will demand your attention and connection. Can you recognize pain as a call to action to take time to prioritize your needs? To take the time to care for you. To stop and step out of the hectic life you are living and to slow down, tune in and really listen to what your body is trying to tell you?
6. Pain is healed through Movement
Whatever is hurting you will benefit from movement. Mindful movement. Movement that does not re-injure or compromise you. Movement that encourages healing, development, growth, flexibility, strength, resilience and stamina.
This applies to both physical and emotional pain. Life is movement. The ebb and flow of your breath. The circulation of your blood and lymphatic system. It is expansion and contraction. We move to literally heal the body. The lymphatic system, our immune system cannot work properly without movement.
When you are in a great deal of pain, often the last thing you want to do is move however! You want to sleep, curl up in a ball, retreat, rest, and prevent any movement of the painful area. It is surprising to many when I recommend a physical practice of yoga in the face of great injury or illness. There is the thought that physical fitness and exercise is best suited for those in good physical shape. This is the idea that one is too inflexible for yoga for example. Or too weak for strength training. It’s like saying you are too dirty to take a bath. It’s exactly what you need!!! Can you consider for a moment that often what we are resistant to… What is difficult… And what brings us fear and pain, is exactly what we need the most for breaking out of patterns and creating new health – physically, emotionally, and spiritually. Movement when in pain should follow these guidelines:
- You should be able to breathe and talk comfortably during the movement
- While you might feel pain or discomfort during the movement, you should not feel as if this is causing further injury or worsening your condition in any way
- You move the areas surrounding the injured area and move the injured area in mindful ways that do not cause acute (sharp) pain. For example with a foot injury, you may not be able to rotate the ankle or do an eversion/inversion action of the foot but you can wiggle your toes and point and flex. You can bend and straighten the knee and move the leg in the hip socket. All of this movement is helping to heal the injury. For those with limited or no mobility, visualizing the movement is an extremely powerful practice. Movement can be as simple as breathing into the places that feel pain and allowing the gentle rise and fall of your breath move into those spaces.
If you are suffering from pain – acute pain, chronic pain or emotional pain, take care… I wish you relief and healing.