Are you settling for an unsatisfactory sex life?  

Are you in a sex rut?  Have you been with the same partner for a long time and forget what it feels like to have the rush and excitement that you had in the beginning? Or maybe you are in a newer relationship but truth be told the sex is just not that great?  Are you single and completely abandoning your sexual self?

The truth is you can choose to have better sex!

For my single friends out there – I’m talking to you too! Connecting with your sexual self and being comfortable with your sexuality and body is the starting point for my five steps to a better sex life below.

Consider this:

• Those that boast great sex lives attribute it to being completely present in the moment

• Great sex is a great way to choose health!  A great sex life supports physical, mental and emotional health and well-being

• Great sex will support your relationship with your partner, fostering intimacy and connection

 
Here are five things you can do right now to improve your sex life:

1. Check in with you

Go deep into what your thoughts and beliefs are surrounding sex, your body, touch and pleasure.  This is a bit serious and heavy for my first point but really necessary!

Take time to yourself to look at your views of sex – are there any beliefs or values that are conflicting? Do you ever feel ashamed of guilty for your sexual desires? Do you judge yourself or your partner for certain sexual desires? Have you experienced trauma or negative experiences that prevent you from enjoying sex now? If you need to – talk to someone – you can contact me or a trusted counselor or therapist.

How is your body image?  Does this affect your ability to be comfortable naked? Do you love and appreciate your body? Are you comfortable with touch? Do you feel comfortable touching yourself?  Allowing others to touch you?  Touching others? What kinds of touch feel good to you?  What doesn’t? What is off limits?  Get clear on your preferences and boundaries.

Do you have difficulty receiving pleasure? Does it make you uncomfortable to surrender to receiving pleasure? Are you able to pleasure yourself? Notice what comes up for you as you contemplate this. Without judgement or defining anything as right or wrong, good or bad. Have you ever had an orgasm? If yes, what types of touch or actions brought you there?

2. Make it fun

This is so important!  One of the best ways to improve your sex life is to have fun!  Send your partner messages throughout the day to let them know you can’t wait to see them when they get home! Build anticipation. Get excited and share that with your partner!

Trust me when I tell you that your partner  will really appreciate you bringing fun back into the bedroom!

Single?  Take a flirty, fun fitness class with your friends. Tap into your more sensual and creative side.  Take yoga classes to connect your mind and body and to learn mindfulness and meditation.

3. Practice Presence

I read an article recently that said people are happiest when having sex.  What surprised me was that the author attributed that not to the actual sex act but that typically during sex men are 100% present to what is going on in that moment.  They are literally loving every minute of it.  Where does your mind go during sex?  Have you caught yourself distracted? Thinking of what you need to do for work or with the kids? Are you stressing about how you look naked?  Being able to tune out distractions and focus on the moment is mindfulness and it makes for mind blowing sex!

Try it! Next time you are in a sexual encounter, get really present to each moment. Focus on your breath. Your body. What you are doing. How it feels. Really sense and feel the moment. React from what feels good and right rather than from your thoughts. Tune into the energy between you. Smell your partner’s neck. Feel their skin. Feel the warmth of your skin touching. Run your fingers through their hair. Taste their lips.  You get the idea!  Whew is it getting hot in here?!

4. Open the Lines of Communication

Have you ever settled for mediocre sex? Surprisingly this happens all the time. People would rather lay there and say nothing then have the awkward conversation. I encourage you to talk to your partner about sex. Yes it’s possibly uncomfortable but that’s exactly why I want you to! The more you do anything, the easier it gets – so start now.  Ask your partner what they really like?  Ask them if there is anything they would like that you aren’t doing?  A favourite place to be touched or a preferred position. Ask them to tell you during sex what they like and even what they don’t. Now this can be sensitive so start out slow here.  We don’t want to hurt anyone’s feelings or discourage your partner.  These conversations are meant to help both of you have the best sex ever.

Have you heard of the five love languages?  Well it’s the same idea here- find out what good sex means to your partner and do what they like instead of just guessing!  And tell them what you want and like too!

5.  Broaden your horizons

Variety is the spice of life!  Don’t be afraid to try new things and change up your routine.  Need some inspiration? You can take a sex class (yes there really are such things!).

If you’ve been with your partner for a long time things may have fallen into a predictable pattern.  We get into a comfortable place and honestly maybe a bit lazy???  So get inspired and excited and get your partner on board – follow the steps above and open up your sex life to new possibilities!

Let’s talk about sex:

Let me know how this goes for you!  Wanna talk about sex with me?  Schedule a complimentary call to find out how I can help you have better sex!  Schedule an hour with or without your partner for counselling or send me your emergency questions.

I’m here for you!  I listen and respond without judgment and am passionate about this work.  I’ve heard many stories and want you to feel comfortable to be able to share yours with me.

I want you to be having better sex and better relationships!

With love,

 ❤️